Once you change yourself, everybody else will change.

Arjuna Vishada Yoga 

Chapter 1, Verse 40

 

ula-kṣaye praṇaśyanti 

kula-dharmāḥ sanātanāḥ 

dharme naṣṭe kulaṁ kṛtsnam 

adharmo’bhibhavaty-uta

 

In the annihilation of the family, the eternal traditions of the family are  

destroyed; in the collapse of traditions, lawlessness overcomes the  

whole family.

 

There was a custom handed down from generation to generation which helped  

to maintain a high standard of conduct in the family and prevented men and women  

from going astray. Here is this verse, Arjuna says that it’s important to hold tight to that  

custom, otherwise “lawlessness overcomes the whole family.”

 

You see, in ancient times, the elders of the family were treated with great respect.  

Whenever people had any questions, they would always go to the elders of the family.  

Since there was great respect, whatever the elders said was always accepted. Arjuna  

continues, “This tradition will end and there will be corruption in the family. There will  

be no virtue. The incentives which compel man to stay on the path of virtue and avoid  

sin will be gone. These virtues are: fear of God; command of the scriptures; fear of  

violation of the family traditions and state laws; fear of physical injury. When these  

traditions end, even the respect for God is not there! And if we don’t show respect  

to others, how will we expect others to respect us? If we can’t respect the law of the  

country, then the whole country will be in chaos. If out of fear of injury, one starts  

killing, where is the good in this? Everything starts with the family.”

 

Arjuna is focusing on how important it is for everyone in the family to do their  

duty. “If one person is doing adharma, it also affects all the people around you. And  

when the people around are affected, it affects all the surroundings.”

 

Once there was a man giving a discourse. He was talking and he had a great  

regret inside of him. They asked him, “Why do you have this regret?” He said, “I  

regret one thing in my life: I have not changed myself. When I was young, I was very enthusiastic and in this enthusiasm, I wanted to change the world. So I tried to change my town. I tried, tried, and tried, but after some time, I could not. For years, I tried to change my friends, but I could not. Then I tried to change my family. I tried for many  

years, but I could not. Finally, I was left completely alone.

 

“In my loneliness, I realised that I couldn’t change anybody but myself. Now that I  

have seen this, I am looking at the world and see that time is running out. I don’t have  

much time left. If I would have first changed myself, this would have automatically  

made an impact on my family, it would have made an impact on my friends, on the surroundings and on the town. I wanted so much to change everybody else, but not  

myself.”  

You can’t change others. Once you change yourself, everybody else will change.

Bhagavad Gita