I am free

I did my first Art of Living course three years ago. Before doing the course, if someone would ask for my help with something, I would say no. I was obsessed with perfection and had a fear of being judged for any work I would do. Now I know, though, that you should always leave room for imperfection. Despite doing the course, I did not continue with doing the Sudarshan Kriya. The first time I opened my eyes after doing long kriya, a rhythmic breathing exercise, I felt tremendous peace and calmness. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. 

I suddenly felt so grateful. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stop my bad habits like drinking, smoking, and watching excessive porn and stopped practicing the Kriya. My throat was severely damaged by smoking; I had lost the sweetness in my voice. I became so negative that I fought with my friends. Soon enough, I was so soaked in my bad habits that I was rarely happy in life although I was in a beautiful relationship with a lovely guy. All sources of happiness seemed to be closed. That’s when I reflected back to the time I had done this beautiful course, which at the time filled me with innate joy. I went to a Satsang held in IIT. I saw people who were totally absorbed in bliss, grace, and happiness. Their joy was reflected in their lovely smiles, sweet voices, and graceful singing. I sang many songs that day and forgot every pain in my life for that time. I thought, “this is called living life, with a full heart, full energy, equality, and compassion.” As soon as the Satsang ended, I approached the lead singer Karthik and told him I wanted to sing. Although I didn’t tell him that I want to sing like you some day and maybe better than you, he instantly told me what all I need to do to become a singer. I was overwhelmed by the help and love he showed me. After that day, I started going to vocal classes in Ghatkopar and most importantly, started practicing Kriya regularly, and here is what happened: 1. The beautiful smile came back once again on my face and I was able to laugh, something which had completely evaded my life. 2. I had no vision in life. I was very under-confident and doing poor in academics. Now I have a certain goal in life, for now, my ego has run away somewhere with my fears and I did considerably better academically. 3. I patched up with all my friends, have a better relationship with not only my family but everyone I have ever known in my life. So much compassion and belongingness! 4. I started singing in satsangs with the music team. 5. My mind was the biggest enemy of my life. I had OCD and other negative things and attachments. They are still there somewhere but all my focus is on the celebration of life and helping out other people. 6. I have overcome all the bad habits I had and I feel lighter and energetic that even big problems of life seem tiny and there is a smile on my face almost all the time. I was able to quit all those things because I have experienced joy which no amount of booze, drugs, or cigarette can come close to giving. So, I can go on and on, it is really a very big list. I do what my heart tells me to do because I have the confidence that it is pure. I relax in life and celebrate. I am ambitious yet satisfied. I know where I am going in life. I am free. Jai Guru Dev. 

- Peeyush Sharma