True intimacy is knowing that you are already intimate and relaxing about it, never trying to convince others that you are intimate, never trying to express yourself too much.

Chapter 2 - True Intimacy

Day 4

When a bud breaks, it becomes a flower. When a heart breaks, it becomes divine. A flower cannot break. What breaks is the bud. And it breaks for good. What you thought was love, was not love. In true love there is no heartbreak. 

A broken heart means broken demands, broken expectations, broken hopes. How can love break? Love cannot break. Can water break? Water is fluid. Love is fluid. Whatever is fluid is not brittle. Something that is stiff is brittle. It can be broken. Life is a totality. 

It is like a stream. It carries the leaves, sometimes a log, sometimes a frog, sometimes swans, sometimes fish, sometimes dirt, all the industrial waste, everything. It doesn't mind. 

Does it say," Oh, you are a flower, I will carry only you. You are dead logs, I won't carry you?" It doesn't make any distinction. If you pour wonderful things, such as milk, into the water, it will carry that, too. You place a flower there, it will carry that. 

You throw rubbish into it, that will also be carried off. Life is a stream like that. Don't give much attention to happenings. If you give importance to happenings, if you cling to the past, then you remain there. It becomes like a stone. Then you sink.

Events are like stones. They just stay there. You be light. You let go. Don't even bother. You brush over the stones. You go away. Life is full of events, some pleasant, some unpleasant, some good, some not good.

Many times you were doing something and, unintentionally, people got hurt. You want to take more care that others don't get hurt, and, in spite of that, they get hurt. Sometimes, out of your unawareness, you hurt people. 

The same thing is true with other people also. Sometimes, out of their own cravings, they hurt you. And so they feel heartbroken or you feel heartbroken. This is not the nature of a mature mind or of a mature love.

So, when you meet the friend again, or ex-partner, talk to them as though nothing has happened in the past, as though this is the first time you are meeting them. You don't need to give any explanation. 

Okay, you were partners for some time, then something happened, whether your wanted it to, or not. You moved apart. So what. Again you reach out to them, talk to them. Be friendly from your side as though nothing has happened. 

There is no enemy to you in the world. Live as though you have no enemies. Our difficulty is that we express our love too much. So when we express our love too much, after a while we find there is nothing more to express. 

You have expressed everything. It has emptied. You may say, "Oh, you are beautiful, I love you so much." But they are just words, thoughts. Nothing is happening inside Something is not flowing there, we are not sincere. 

So we try to give an idea to the other person, "Yes, I really love you." When it is not flowing, you try to show them that you still love them and that more love is happening there. But you know very well that something that had happened before, is no longer there.

So we just recognise this fact.

We don't say, "They are responsible for my love." I am responsible for my love. I feel loving today. Tomorrow I don't feel loving. Yesterday there was more love. 

What is happening in me? This is something which is happening inside me. The other person is not responsible for it. Focusing on oneself is the path of evolution. Then one can ponder, "How can I be in love all the time, every minute of a day, all my life". 

Then one clears that heavy load on the heart and the mind from inside. Then more love flows. That love becomes divine, like a blossomed flower, like this big, beautiful flower. So when you find love elsewhere, you tend to think about them all the time. 

You are attending to them, trying to preserve their intimacy with you, or trying to show how intimate you are with them. All these efforts of proving your intimacy with the other person is the cause of the problem.

There is no need to convince so-and-so, "I love you so much." If they understand, they understand. They may take a few more days. By trying to convince somebody, we turn the boat upside down.

True intimacy is when you feel you are already intimate. You don't try to prove it to somebody or try to become intimate. You can't become any more intimate than you are. So when love is expressed too much, it will be shortlived. It is like a seed. 

You have to plant it and keep it under the ground. Never express it too much. You love somebody in such a way that they don't really know you love them. Keep it as a secret, "I won't tell so-and-so that I love him. I'll keep it as a secret." 

Then what will happen? Your love will flower in your actions. By saying it so much, "Oh, I love you, I love you, I love you," you destroy that. An enlightened person may not say, "I love you so much." In the very presence, you can feel the love. 

In the very breath, you can experience love. In the very look, you can experience love. In any word spoken, you will hear that it is full of love. The very existence is love. That is enlightened love. That expression has not just happened in words but has manifested in matter. 

Now, where you sit, that place is filled with the vibrations of love. The sofa absorbs it. The chair, cloth, carpet, the entire atmosphere absorbs that love. 

True intimacy is knowing that you are already intimate and relaxing about it, never trying to convince others that you are intimate, never trying to express yourself too much.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji

God Loves Fun.