Chapter 4 - The Secret Of Relationships
Day 9
When you are in love with someone, you just go on talking, talking and talking. There's no need to pull so many words out of those mouths. You can just sit quietly with a smile, watch the sunset, or be with them. Learn to be with the person, whom you love, in silence. This is an art by itself.
When you are in such deep love, you don't know, what you are talking. Then you go on saying things that you regret afterwards. Sometimes, you don't know that what you have said may hurt the other person.
The intellect is not sharp, not fully alert, when you are in love. You're in a daze and in that daze , you don't know what you are blabbering, or what your blabbering will do to the other person - what effect it will bring on the other person.
But later on, after ten days, or maybe ten years, you'll find out that whatever you said in a light way has affected the other person very deeply. How many of you have experienced this? Isn't this true almost everywhere?
When you're centred, and when you let go of your feverishness, then you're not bored with yourself - then your charm becomes long-lasting. The nearer a person comes to you, the more the charm will be there. That is the secret of being centred, of being connected with the self deep within us.
You know, Ananda once asked Buddha, "Buddha, for forty years, l've been watching you, day and night and everyday, you're more charming What is it? I can't get over it. Every moment I see you, you're still new”
That is the nature of our consciousness. The mind is not a stagnant lake. It is a flowing river - a fast flowing river. You see, what I'm saying? When we float with the river, we are in the moment.
Live every moment like that Don't just brood over the past, or be anxious about the future. One of the characteristics of love is eternity. When you are in love with somebody, you want that moment to be eternal “We should be like this forever and ever”.
You want it to be like that forever, for always. You use these words, don't you? “Always”. Love is immortal - meaning, beyond time and that is what we aim at and that is our nature, our source. Just take some time off and go within your silence.
Then you will see, so much strength comes out of you, and from that, your charm becomes eternal, your love becomes unconditional. You have heard of unconditional love so many times, but just words won't help.
This has to come from our presence. You see what I'm saying? You can lecture on love for hours together, but if it is not radiating in your presence, nobody can make it out. This is something, we do not attend to - our presence.
Our presence gets drained. Initially, when there was presence, there was attraction - but the moment, the presence dilutes, attraction dies out. You simply hang around. You are bored, but you still don't want to say that you are bored, and hurt the other person.
The other person is also thinking in the same way. So inside the mind, there is a big gap, though outside, in your expression, you don't express it. How does one bridge this?This is only possible by improving our presence.
See, when you get off a plane, the hostesses greet you by saying, "Have a nice day" They don't really mean it. But, when the same words come from someone very close and dear to you - like your grandmother, your mother, your sister, your brother - they touch your heart.
This is because those words carry a flood of feeling behind them. So, when you have to say to someone, "I love you," even if it's just once, those words should carry a flood of feeling, instead of repeating the phrase oh, so many times.
You feel so bitter, and yet you call and say, “Hello, honey”. You're saying, "honey" on the outside, but inside, you feel bitter about that. Perhaps to cover the bitterness, you keep saying, “Honey, honey, honey”.
These words do not carry the feeling and that's why relationships become such a big mess, and break so often.
Our love doesn't grow old. Our love doesn't become ancient. Our love dies infant deaths. Love relationships have the highest mortality rate in our society today.
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