Chapter 4 - The Secret Of Relationships
Day 8
In the same way, the prince would be asked to go and do some menial job, like clean the streets. He would know and understand how a servant feels, and so he becomes sensitive. His sensitivity towards people would grow, though he would live in a palace.
That's why this sort of exchange was called dakshina. In a relationship, this is essential. You have to see that the other also contributes in your life, so that they don't feel completely like a worm - worthless but that they also feel their self-worth.
For love to blossom, self-worth is essential. This is the second important point or secret. The third aspect of a relationship is to give the other space. When you love someone, you're right "on his (or her) neck".
You don't give them any breathing space and they suffocate - and suffocation destroys love. You should give them space and you take your space. Respect each other's space. Take some time off.
The ancient people knew this. You know, they would say that for one month in a year, a husband and wife could not cross the same door. So they would send the wives to their mothers' homes and that would be the month that the postal department had the maximum business because that one month creates so much longing.
So they would write poems to each other - all the creativity in them would come out. Love letters would flow from one city to another city. For love to blossom, there needs to be longing and longing needs a little space.
Though it is a little painful, longing is inevitable. If there is no longing, if you destroy longing, if you don't allow longing to come into your relationship, then love does not grow. The charm is lost. So, give them some space and take some space, yourself.
The fourth aspect in a relationship is that a relationship should be treated as the dessert, not as the main course. If your life is aimed at some goal, if there is some goal in your life, some aim in your life, then you move in that direction and the relationship will move along.
If all your focus is just on the relationship, I tell you, that is when it will not work and it doesn't work. You can't have dessert for your main course. You cannot eat it like that. See, if you have a goal in your life, and if both of you have the same goal, you will move along in that direction.
Then, that relationship lasts long. What do you say? Of course, I'm not an authority on this subject. Whatever I speak, is from observation, you know, from my perception of what is happening in the world. This has been the story from ages.
You have a particular aim - to do something in life, to achieve something in life. You have a goal to do some service - you know, living your life for everyone's sake. You know how much money you spend on vour relationship? lust think about it.
I tell you, vou spend much less on yourself. You spend much more money on your relationship than on yourself and, of course, forget about service. We don't even spend 1% of what we have, on service to the public, for everybody's sake.
Sharing and serving would enhance our ability to love, our ability to accept and if you have that as a goal, and both move in this direction, together, I tell you, there will be no problem. You know, I know one such couple.
Do you know what the lady said to me, "Panditji, I'm with my husband for the past 25 years and I cannot find one fault in him!"? She said, "I cannot find a single fault in this man" Both of them are engaged in social service. It is so perfect.
They meditate, they take time for themselves. This is what everyone aspires for, isn't it? So, when there's a common interest, a common goal, a common path, to move on, that nourishes the relationship, rather than focusing on the relationship all the time.
Love is essential in relationships, not mere attraction. In attraction, there's aggressiveness. In love, there is submission. This is the difference between love and attraction. Though attraction does form the first step, you cannot stand on the first step for too long.
You have to move on to the next pedestal. That is love.
Service is an essential ingredient for a successful relationship and if the relationship comes from the space of giving, rather than need, again, it is a good, "quality" relationship.
Often we say, "Oh, I'm so bored, that's why I need a relationship" I ask you, if you are bored with your own company, how much more boring are you for someone else? For a while, you look interesting, but in a few days, even weeks, though you won't express this to each other, you'll get bored with each other because there is no depth in you.
Get rid of the boredom from within you and be centred, really centred - understand your own self, your own mind and calm down Don't be feverish. You know, you don't like to be with someone, who is feverish.
The feverishness repels you, unless you're so full of compassion that nobody's feverishness matters anymore. But especially in relationships, feverishness reduces the charm.
Comments
Post a Comment